randoms

wednesday:
at the lanes with a shot of jack.
Shannon points and goes "what are you doing!?"
me: "drinking."
shannon: "why?"
me: "in light of the circumstances i think i deserve it."
shannon just stared at me with that shannon look that immediately makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong and being judged for it. so i immediately try to defend myself by telling her this way i'll know how much i've actually drank and tell her it's only my second one.
and then to burst my bubble she points out "those are doubles."
oops. i was wondering why it took me two times to do the whole shot.

friday:
girl i've met on one other occasion:
"what did you do today?"
me:
"went to a funeral"
girl:
her face dropped and she immediately looked remorseful and began apologizing and rubbing my arm.
should i have said "nothing" and went on with idle chit chat?

sunday:
watching tv and annoyed with the string of depressing commercials one of those commercials about children dying people with no food or water or medical attention comes on.
they show a baby boy who is barely alive being saved and i just roll my eyes and say: "what's the point in saving that kid?"

i mean really? if i were him i'd learn how to talk immediately and tell everyone that they are all a bunch of assholes. he'll probably suffer his entire life which will probably only be for another couple of years. do him a favor and let him go.

Sometimes I don't even realize I'm holding my breathe...

One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
And seven for a secret never to be told.

blaahg

do you think it's safe to drink a beer after taking nyquil? well if not au revoir! I took the nyquil in attempts to go to bed at a decent hour but it didn't work.


Just before thanksgiving I had to say goodbye to my grandfather and even though I said my goodbyes it doesn't feel like it. There is just this weird empty place I see when I think of my grandmother and grandfather. It seems my brain does not want to put the pieces together. I tell myself that a chapter of my life is gone. But a chapter doesn't even begin to describe it. When a person is gone from your life forever it really takes awhile to even comprehend it and I don't think I'm capable of ever really grasping the finality of it all. I found a fortune cookie fortune the other day when i was cleaning out my purse and the gist of it was that people are stronger then anything that can ever happen to them and at the time I put my chin up and thought "well thank god!" but then i thought "who on earth could possibly know that?" it's just a stupid piece of paper that came in a 10 cent cookie. It's a nice thought and all but I just can't imagine putting faith in such a thing. So now I'm back to square one.

Tonight

I went over to my mothers house to make her dinner. We've been overwhelmed and depressed due to my grandfather falling ill so I decided to make her dinner. I made angel hair with garlic, onion, parsley, broccoli, white cannellini beans, vegetable stock and oil. It was delicious. We went down to the ocean; Pandy, Dad, Mom and I to see the phytoplankton. As the waves crashed you could see the light up. It was wild and beautiful. My point and shoot camera couldn't pick up anything but this is what it looked like:

We were only there for a few minutes before the water rushed over my feet when i wasn't paying attention so we left. but really how long can you stand and watch glowing plankton?

maybe tonight i'll watch the meteor shower.

Take me...

my heart skips a beat when he tells her he's leaving. ugh and i'm almost 30.


i love Roald Dahl and wes anderson and bill murray and jason schwartzman and JARVIS COCKER!

ok who's the lucky person who is taking me to see these?
i'll buy the popcorn.

seriously

stop asking.

monday. monday.

can't trust that day.

mask

you drive me to drink.